FavoriteFamilyLectures

Talking about Sex May Be Too Heavy for the Young to Carry

Childhood memories are often the key not to the past, but to the future. The experiences in our lives become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work we are to do later in life. Corrie Ten Boom, the author of The Hiding Place, knew that well as her experience as a child in Holland helped her prepare for the challenges she would face as an adult.

When overrun by Germany in World War II, her family protected many Jewish families and worked in the underground. When finally captured, Corrie lived through the Holocaust experience. Her earthly father taught her many lessons that she drew on in the camps.

Corrie had a father who wanted his children experience childhood. Corrie shared an example: “’Sex,’ I was pretty sure, meant whether you were a boy or a girl, and ‘sin’ made Tante Jans very angry, but what the two meant together I could not imagine. And so, seated next to my father in the train compartment, I suddenly asked, ‘Father, what is sex sin?’ He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifted his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. ‘Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?’ he said. I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. ‘It’s too heavy,’ I said. ‘Yes, he said. ‘As it would be a pretty poor father who would ask his little girl to carry such a load. It’s the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you.’ I was satisfied. More than satisfied-wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions—for now I was content to leave them in my father’s keeping.”

Are there things we should wait to explain to our kids or has the current influx of Television and the Internet created a need to have conversations earlier?

Corrie later observed that there were times in camp where she had no easy answers as to why so many were suffering in the camps. At those times, she would say to herself, "It's too heavy for me to understand why. Since it is too heavy for me to carry, I trust that God the Father will carry it for me until I am ready to understand his plan."

(Source: Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place, Spire Books, 1971, p. 26-27)

Jim Stovall's Movie, "The Ultimate Gift" Is Truly a Gift

As a fellow speaker, I had heard of Jim Stovall's book, The Ultimate Gift. After hearing that his book was to be released as a FoxFaith inspirational drama, Lorie and I invested a Sunday afternoon at the movie theater.

All in the audience were given the gift of unwrapping Jim's movie, The Ultimate Gift, one scene at a time. The film took us from laughter to tears to insight and back again through a journey of love. The whole audience remained in their seats patiently after the movie was done to review the insights shared and scenes that reminded us of the gifts life provides-the gifts of work, friends, family, money, learning, problems, laughter, dreams, giving, gratitude, love…and the gift of a day. Some movies leave a sour aftertaste; The Ultimate Gift leaves viewers thankful for the blessing life provides when lived well. This movie deserves to be seen and supported!

The Ultimate Gift has a stellar cast that includes James Garner, Brian Dennehy and young Abigail Breslin fresh off her Oscar-nominated turn in Little Miss Sunshine. The movie title refers to an intriguing enticement offered to spoiled and arrogant Jason Stevens (Drew Fuller) by his recently deceased and extremely wealthy grandfather Red (James Garner). Red, via a series of video messages, promises the irresponsible young man that if he completes a series of tasks (or as Red puts it, "gifts"), he will receive a substantial inheritance.

After enduring a series of humiliating episodes in which he experiences life as a homeless person, does back-breaking labor at a ranch and travels to South America to come to terms with the death of his father, Jason begins to change. We watch him find a life-changing relationship with a beautiful single mother (Ali Hillis) and her feisty young daughter (Breslin) who is dying of leukemia.

I won't reveal any more of the story line, but let me assure you that this movie will challenge you to have conversations with your own children and grandchildren about the things that matter most in life. Instead of just leaving money in your will, you might even want to look for ways to add a few meaningful messages. Whatever you do, take time to see this film! If you want more information, check out their site at http://www.theultimategift.com.   

The Ultimate Gift was Jim Stovall's first novel, published in 2001. Stovall is also cofounder and president of Narrative Television Network, which helps make movies and television accessible to America's 13 million blind and visually impaired people. He himself became totally blind at age 29 as a result of a decade-long process.

His road to getting The Ultimate Gift transformed to film was not an easy one. Two major studios contacted him and optioned film rights. The first one held it for a year, but their script took the story too far away from the moral principles Stovall insisted the movie uphold. Fortunately, he had retained script and cast approval, so he was able to prevent the studio from changing his story. He said, "I told them, 'If you want to make that script into a movie, go ahead; no one will recognize my book anywhere in there.'" Negotiations with a second studio proved another dead end. When producer Rick Eldredge approached Jim and promised to retain the book's moral integrity, a partnership was born.

Jim is a strong Christian. If you have read the book, you will note that the film is decidedly less "Christian" than the book. But it remains an entertaining and uplifting movie that indirectly communicates the gift of faith. In The Ultimate Gift, Jim is truly putting his faith to work in touching audiences with a message that resonates with our desire for meaning and a life of service and loving relationships.

See this film as a family and talk about it over dinner. Then, come back and write your own review on this blog. The biggest gift may be the conversations it kindles.

Facing the Giants Is a Film about Faith Worth Seeing

There is a new film, Facing the Giants (http://www.milkmoneypromotions.com/ftg/), that is coming out this weekend. The film deals with Shiloh Christian Academy, where football coach Grant Taylor has not had a single winning season in the six years he's been in charge of the program. When one of his promising running backs transfers, some plot to have him replaced. When he faces a car that won't run, a house that stinks and the prospect of his wife not being able to have children, he learns that his team faces a post-season match-up against the state's most feared squad, the undefeated Giants. Facing the Giants is more than a simple David-and-Goliath metaphor on the gridiron; it tells a story of faith in the face of long odds and the need to align our priorities with God's.

For example, after Coach Taylor has an epiphany about how he should change the way he runs his program, he tells his attentive team, "Our goal is not to win games; it's to honor God." His new outlook helps cure a bad case of cynicism. He helps a young man who has a bad relationship with his father learn to honor his parents even when he think they're wrong. The team goes from being a collection of bickering individuals to a true team, inspiring parents, faculty and fellow students.

The film shows coach Taylor wrestling with what he believes to be God's
will for him, his family and his team. Scenes show him reading his Bible and in earnest conversation with God and praying for students in an empty school hallway. The coach keeps saying, "I've resolved to give God everything I've got and leave the results to Him."

By embracing the spiritual concept of faith and then exploring the tension that exists
between human experiences and spiritual realities, this little film that could—does.

Know that God Is with Us in the Dark Times

Sometimes the weight of human existence can get heavy--a family tragedy, the loss of good friend or family member, a lost job or career setback. Life is difficult. Even people of deep faith can go through dark times where God seems distant. Billy Graham, the renowned evangelist, talked of one such time. He wrote his mother about how distant God seemed.

Her reply is worth sharing as a favorite family lecture: "Son, there are many times when God withdraws to test your faith. He wants you to trust Him in the darkness. Now, son, reach up by faith in the fog and you will find that His hand will be there." Billy Graham read the letter, knelt beside his bed and prayed anew. He experienced an overwhelming sense of God's presence.

It's often been said by many believers, "If you feel like God is far away, guess who moved?" I think it is all too easy in a world where we can take care of our basic needs to have the illusion of control. Things can go well, and we can let ourselves drift from God and His plan for our lives. Then, in a moment, life becomes difficult, and we wonder where God has gone! He is there. We can claim the promises of Scripture. In Hebrews 13:5, we read: "I will never leave you nor forsake you." In James 4:8, we find: "Come near to God, and He will come near to you."

One of the most important lessons of life is that we are not alone. God is there to bring meaning and peace to our journey. If you have grown distant from faith and God, take time to worship this Sunday. Take time this week to open your Bible and read some Good News. Kneel next to your bed and ask God to be with you in your dark days.

(Source: Billy Graham, Hope for Each Day, Countryman, 2002, p. 277)

Hard Work Is Good Enough

Denzel Washington is one of the top actors in Hollywood, but he is far from typical Hollywood. He hasn't forgotten the importance of where he has come from and the faith that has sustained him. 

Denzel Washington appreciated both his parents and his God. He talked about his early family lessons in Ebony: "For whatever reason, God has blessed me with acting ability. I just try to fulfill my part of the bargain, which is to give back and to be a positive influence on others. That's all you can do: take what you've been given and spread it around. I was the middle child of three in a motivated, hardworking family. My father was a Church of God in Christ minister and my mother owned a beauty shop. There was a lot of drama, a lot of theater in my family, but I was also proud that I had to earn my money and buy my own cloths layaway. I want my own children to get jobs when they are older, and they should start at the bottom. The lessons I learned in Sunday school have also kept me on track. God is my hero. I am where I am by the grace of God, but I haven't had to do anything but just work hard to get where I am. I didn't get here from partying with the right people or doing anything other than working hard. I think if I wanted anything on my tombstone, I'd put, 'Hard work is good enough.'"

You can't give kids self-esteem; you let them earn it one job and one challenge at a time. Working hard is a habit you learn early and treasure for a lifetime. After all character is a gift you give yourself and those you love and serve. Denzel Washington has that gift, and he shows it in everything he does.

(Source: Denzel Washington, Ebony, October 1995, p. 34, "Denzel Washington opens up about stardom, family and sex appeal.", by Lynn Norment)

Leaving a Lasting Legacy

Yesterday, I invited my son, Sean, to be a junior author on this new blog. There is a reason. Year's ago, it was his idea to write a book on Favorite Family Lectures! He had received more than his share of lectures during the years of living in my home. He was looking for a way to make money. As he said, "You've written books. I can write a book." At his young age of sixteen, I felt like saying, "It might be nice to start with a term paper and charge a quarter!" I resisted the temptation and listened to his plan.

He felt that parents didn't know what to say to their children any more. He felt that some of my lectures were funny...and good. He also figured he could interview students at church and at school to get their best lectures. His feeling was that parents not only didn't know what to say; they didn't have time to lecture their kids. They were working too hard! He figured with a book of the best lectures, the parent could hand the book to the teen as they sent them to their room and say, "Read lecture #42!" The kids would prefer it. The message would be a good one, and time would be saved by all. It made sense. We ended up working together over the years to write two books on the subject, The Secrets of Life Every Teen Needs to Know and Can I Have the Keys to the Car? Both books dealt with life lessons worth learning and discussing with our children. You can order the second book by visiting the http://www.terrypaulson.com/resources.html#books website with my books.

Now, Sean is a youth pastor at Foothill Community Church in Angels Camp, CA. He works with teens every day. Now, he is giving some of the lectures. He even took his youth group through our book, "Can I Have the Keys to the Car?" He said the discussions generated were great.

Well, with that kind of background, you deserve to get the benefit of some of his insights on this subject. I may make a difference as a speaker and parent, but Sean makes a difference with far more youth. He is leaving a lasting legacy. In some meaningful way, he will have earned parenting status in the lives of many of the teens he counsels. That potential reminds me of a statement made years ago from a professional speaker I respect.

Charles Handy, a noted speaker and educator, shared a sensitive observation about his father that is worth remembering and closing with: "When I was in my mid-forties, my father died. His death stopped me in my tracks and changed my life. Before he died, I was a hotshot professor at the London Business School,…writing best-selling books, jetting around the world lecturing. I was on the edge of the big time. I was pretty pleased with myself. My father, on the other hand, had been a quiet and modest man. He had lived most of his life in the Irish countryside, where he'd been a minister of a small church where he had spent most of his life. Secretly, I was disappointed by his lack of ambition. When he died, I rushed back to Ireland for the funeral. Held in the little church where he had spent most of his life. It was supposed to be a quiet family affair. It was neither quiet or restricted. I was astounded by the hundreds of people who came, on such short notice, from all the corners of the British Isles. Almost every single person there came up to me and told me how much my father had meant to them and how deeply he had touched their lives. That day, I stood by his grave and considered, Who would come to my funeral? How many lives have I touched? Who knows me as well as all of these people knew this quiet man? I dropped my pretense of being someone other than who I was. I stopped trying to be a hot shot. I decided to do what I could to make a genuine difference in other people's lives. Whether I have succeeded, only my own funeral will tell. I only wish that I could have told my father that he was my greatest teacher."

May we as parents all earn that role as "greatest teacher!" That is our job!

(Source: Charles Handy quoted in Anna Muoio, editor, "My Greatest Lesson", Fast Company, pp. 83-92, June/July 1998)