MotivationLine

Let Your Dreams Lead

Long before Roy Williams, coach of the University of North Carolina basketball team, took his team to victory in this year’s March Madness gauntlet, he gave some stirring advice for all of us in these difficult times:  “Be lead by your dreams, not just pushed by your problems.”

If you are fortunate, you may just have a dream or even a calling that breaks forth with power and passion in a way that catches the world off guard. Don’t be your own worst enemy in hiding your dream. Instead, be led by it!

When Susan Boyle took the stage to audition for Britain’s Got Talent, the judges and many in the audience snickered and rolled their eyes as this frumpy, 47 year-old Scottish church volunteer as she shared her dream of becoming a professional singer. But when she opened her mouth to sing “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables, angels soared, jaws dropped, judges let out audible gasps and hundreds in the audience stood to applaud and roar their approval as she sang her dream into reality.

Miss Boyle spent much of her life caring for her mother, who died in 2007. Since then, she had been living with her cat, Pebbles, and told the program that she had "never been married, never been kissed." But on one day in April, 2009, Susan’s hidden gift and dream exploded onto the world stage! Within hours, YouTube postings of her performance had over 20 million approving viewers. If you haven’t viewed it, do it now by visiting YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY).

People were brought to tears watching her performance. Many have focused on the need not to judge a book by its cover. That is a valuable lesson, but, more important, you should never let your gifts and your dreams die within you. Never forget that authentic gifts and empowering dreams produce amazing performances when unleashed.

My son struggled with school and in his early jobs, but when he felt called to the ministry, his drive and his gifts were unleashed. Tears rolled down my eyes as I watched him deliver his first sermon. He was where he belonged and used for a mighty purpose. He may never be rich in money, but he is now living a very rich life.
 
What gift and dreams are you still hiding? How can they make a difference for you and others on and off the job?

Optimists Use Constructive Self Criticism

Tiger Woods is back in the winner’s circle. Never has his future-focused approach been more important: “People want to compare my performance to the past, and I’m trying to get better in the future, not the past.”

 

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There is value in self-criticism, but don’t get stuck there. Instead of using general labels like stupid or rude, use specific feedback. What did you do that you did not handle well? Remember, it's easier to admit you made a mistake than to admit you are one.

 

After identifying a specific mistake, focus on the future by asking two important questions: First, what can you do to rectify the problem?

 

If any constructive action or apology could help fix the problem, do it. With ongoing relationships, if you didn’t do the right thing at the time, it doesn’t stop you from doing the right thing now. Take responsibility for your mistakes. 

 

Secondly, and most importantly, focus on how you would handle the same situation next time. If constructive self-dialogue is hard to do, try using a valued colleague or friend as a sounding board or write down your thoughts.

 

Self-confidence doesn’t come from an absence of self-criticism but a realistic balance of learning from our errors and celebrating our victories. Welcome to the challenge of turning your mistakes into steppingstones for success.

 

What do you think?

 

(Source: Tiger Woods. in Chuck Culpepper, “Six wins that can’t eclipse a loss,” LA Times, October 2, 2006, D7)

Manage Your Own Motivation

Napoleon Hill once said it best: "It takes half your life before you discover life is a do-it-yourself project."

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In these difficult times, more and more Americans are facing downsizing, economic distress and career setbacks. In tough times, we often look to others for support, but they’re not always there for us.

When you effectively manage your own motivation, you can appreciate the support of others without being crippled without it. Start by treating yourself the way you treat people you care about. After all, you probably treat others better than yourself.
 
Building a strong and realistic self-confidence starts with catching yourself being effective daily. Before you close off the day, force yourself to identify and record one thing you did that day that you handled well. Ask yourself, what stood out in your own performance? Just knowing you have recorded one entry forces you to make each day significant. Make your entries short and specific, but do it daily until it becomes a habit. After all, you may be winning and truly not know it, unless you’re keeping score of your own effectiveness.

What do you do to manage your motivation?

Lifelong Learning Works to Maintain Optimism

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Del Jones, reporting in USA Today on people who had turned layoffs into new opportunities, observed: “Those who lose jobs in recessions can land on their feet, and even thrive. They say being jobless can steel and motivate people to work long and hard hours, teach them to be self-reliant and to distrust safety nets, and to spur them into fields they are passionate about. The result, at least in this instance, is success and contentment, financially and otherwise.”

Even in good times, it’s wise to invest 5% of your time in your next career or in starting your own business. It’s always wise to have a Plan B. If downsizing is eminent or you hate your job, invest 10% of your time. In short, your optimism and security do not come from holding onto the past or in hoping for a bailout from Washington, but in helping to invent your own future.

By having more than one option, you have choices. Look for cross-training opportunities. Volunteer for your organization’s strategic projects. Turn your interests or gifts into a business startup on the side. By embracing change and learning strategic skills, you become the “gold” organizations can't afford to lose while still having the option to take advantage of new opportunities.

In bad economic times, organizations have to right size and right skill.  If you were a corporation, would you invest in you? If not, get busy becoming a recyclable asset. If you lose your job, take heart. It’s been said, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks!” Well, you become an old dog when you stop doing new tricks. There’s another benefit to lifelong learning, you just may find a career path that you enjoy more.

How do you work to develop your Plan B to thrive in these uncertain times?

Humor Helps Everything...

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Viktor Frankl, holocaust survivor and author of Man’s Search for Meaning, called laughter “the currency of hope.” He wrote: “An outsider may be astonished to hear that one could find a sense of humor in a concentration camp…. Humor was another of the soul’s weapons in the fight for self-preservation…. It can afford an aloofness and an ability to rise above any situation, even if only for a few seconds.”
 
Fellow inmates survived daily by inventing one amusing story to tell others. Laughter is one of the natural tranquilizers of life. It provides that inner upper, an emotional massage that ushers in a new perspective for our irritations and disappointments. Unfortunately, too many have forgotten the value of humor in making us more resilient in this age of change and uncertainty. Too many walk around looking like they’re in pain. You know the ones; instead of leaving their cars “in park,” they leave their faces “in park.”

Leave room for laughter every day. The safest target for your humor will always be yourself. Learn to laugh at your errors and the world will laugh with you—not at you! Only the self-confident can admit their mistakes; laughing at your own errors will help you let go of mistakes and bounce back.

Laughter is contagious, and so is cynicism. Which would you prefer to give to others? You know the answer—people love to be around people who bring them joy.

Stretch your humor muscles daily. Start by recognizing what makes you laugh and put more of it in your life. Keep copies of your favorite comedies and watch them when you need a lift. Keep a photo album of your favorite comics; keep one at the office and one at home. Try sharing humorous incidents instead of negative gossip when you talk to coworkers and staff. The more you look for humor, the more you’ll find. Always be ready to say, "That's funny!"

Take your work and life seriously but yourself and your problems a bit more lightly. Now, let there be laughter, and let it start with you.

Optimists Embrace Action

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Conrad Hilton observed: "Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit."

Those were wise words then and wise words today. In our uncertain and challenging economic times, avoid the Four P's--Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis, Powerlessness. Don’t be so concerned about doing the right thing that you wait so long that you end up feeling powerless doing nothing at all. Analysis paralysis is never the right choice; learn to embrace action!

Certainly some due diligence is necessary. You need enough information to organize into action, but too much information just slows down your progress. Seek different perspectives early and then do something one choice at a time.

Don’t let what you can’t impact stop you from controlling what you can do to make a difference. The only things you truly control are your actions, and even that is in question on Mondays. You do control the Three P’s of Optimism—Position, Perform and Persist. Optimists POSITION their actions where they are more likely to produce success—they get busy serving the right customers and acquiring the right skills to match the times. They work to improve their PERFORMANCE every day. And then they PERSIST by again refocusing and retooling to meet new challenges yet to come. 

What action do you need to take this week to get moving?

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Optimists Dispute Negative Thoughts

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Martin Seligman has some wise advice as we face serious economic challenges at the start of 2009: "Learned optimism works not through an unjustifiable positivity about the world but through the power of ‘non-negative’ thinking. It's a matter of ABC: When we encounter A-ADVERSITY, we react by thinking about it. Our thoughts rapidly congeal into B-BELIEFS. These beliefs may become so habitual we don't even realize we have them unless we stop to focus on them. And they don't just sit there idly; they have C-CONSEQUENCES. The beliefs are the direct causes of what we feel and what we do next. They can spell the difference between dejection and giving up, on the one hand, and well-being and constructive action on the other. The first step is to see the connection between adversity, belief, and consequence. The second step is to see how the ABCs operate every day in your own life."

An adversity can be almost anything—a flat tire, a frown from a boss, an unexpected large bill, a layoff. Your beliefs are how you interpret the adversity. Be sure to separate thoughts from feelings. "I just blew my career" and "I feel like an impostor" are beliefs. Their accuracy can be evaluated. Consequences are your feelings and actions that follow. You might feel depressed, anxious, angry, or frustrated. Often you will feel more than one thing. You also act. You may withdraw from others, send out resumes, seek revenge, or even cry. In order to avoid the non-productive feelings and counter-productive actions, optimists learn to actively dispute their pessimistic beliefs. 

Seligman suggests four ways to make your self arguments convincing: Evidence, Alternatives, Implications, and Usefulness. The most convincing way is to use available evidence that your negative beliefs are factually incorrect. Secondly, most events have many causes. Pessimists have a way of latching onto the worst possible cause—the most permanent, pervasive, and personal ones. Optimists ask, "Is there any less destructive alternative way to look at this or explain it?" They focus on what causes are changeable (“I didn’t spend enough time studying!”); on specific causes (“This project was uncharacteristically harder than anyone could have expected!”); and explore non-personal causes (“That customer has a history of expressing unrealistic expectations to negotiate lower rates!”). Third, what are the implications from the likely consequences? Don’t sweat the small stuff. Life and death are big stuff. Everything else is small stuff. Finally explore whether worrying and ruminating over this will be useful in producing any long-term value? Focus on the things that will help you get where you want to go in 2009.

Dr. Terry Paulson is a psychologist and professional speaker. He can be reached at 800-521-6172 or at terry@terrypaulson.com.

The Optimistic Power of Purpose

View this five-minute video about" The Power ofPurpose" or read about General Honore's calling below!

Retired Army Lieutenant General Russ Honore, Commander Joint Task Force Katrina, knows the power of purpose when he said, “There are two important days in a person’s life – the day one is born and the day they realize what they were born for. When I stepped off the plane in New Orleans, I knew why I had been born.”

When Russ retired after nearly 40 years of active service with the United States Army, he transformed his work with the Joint Task Force Katrina into a continuing battle for all Americans to build a culture of preparedness built on better education and moving beyond self and community preparedness to relearning the resilience that took our ancestors through the winter of 1776, across the Appalachians, and ensured the survival of these United States through a terrible civil war. This helps you understand why so many are pushing for Honore to be put in charge of FEMA (http://www.honoreforfema.com/).

In our continuing series on optimism, hope and faith, there is no question that the power of purpose plays a key role in unleashing an optimistic attitude in uncertain times. Whether sacred or secular, in this holiday season, trade your own preoccupation with your own problems for a centering journey to find your own purpose: Why are you here? How can you use your gifts to make a difference? What can you do today to meaningfully serve others off and on the job?

Finally, take inspiration from the words of Mother Teresa: "Remember this, I can do something you can't do, and you can do something I can't do. But we both have to do it." As you approach a challenging and enlivening 2009, look for ways today and for the year to come to find and live your purpose. By finding your purpose, you’ll find the optimism, joy and satisfaction that often come along for the ride.

To Optimists Obstacles Are Just Tests!

It's football season, and that makes it a good time to capitalize on some wisdom from former Denver Bronco quarterback, John Elway: “My son is a quarterback for Arizona State…. It’s hard to just sit and watch him play. I want to guide him, to give him advice on the spot, to share everything I have learned and help him avoid some of the bumps that I have encountered. Then I remember one of the most important lessons that I had to learn myself: Obstacles are nothing but tests.”

As my father used to love to remind me, "Life is a great trainer." He'd sometimes give me advice, but, more often, he'd let me learn from my own experiences. That is why parents seem a lot smarter in our mid-twenties than they do in our teen years. Maturity is not bestowed; it's earned by making mistakes and bouncing back from failures to overcome the obstacles we face. We learn from both the failures and the successes.  

In times of challenge, life can be a cruel task master--there can be painful layoffs, costly stock market falls and personal bankruptcies or foreclosures. You wish such experiences on no one, but when you face them, look for the lessons such experiences teach us.

We seldom forget lessons learned the hard way! Life is difficult. Facing that is the first challenge; getting busy learning how to turn difficult times into opportunities is a worthy benefit. The more obstacles you overcome, the more you are sure you will be able to handle the next test you face.

As leaders, remind your people of obstacles they have overcome in the past and show faith in their ability to match the ones we face today. Your job is to keep hope alive and help people invest their worry time in constructive problem solving!

(Source: John Elway, United Voices, December 2008, p. 15-16.)

Optimists Give Thanks for Gratitude

Dennis Prager, author of Happiness Is a Serious Problem, reminds us that gratitude is more important than just a reason to share a turkey dinner on Thanksgiving:  "There is a secret to happiness and it is gratitude. All happy people are grateful, and ungrateful people cannot be happy. We tend to think that it is being unhappy that leads people to complain, but it is truer to say that it is complaining that leads to people becoming unhappy. Become grateful and you will become a much happier person. I try to be happy unless something happens that makes me unhappy, rather than unhappy unless something makes me happy." 

There is power in gratitude and a sense of thanksgiving. Giving thanks helps sustain a positive, optimistic attitude. Unrealistic expectations are a sure road to unhappiness and disappointment. Optimists hope for more, but are not thrown by less.

Why? Expressing gratitude keeps one's frustrations and setbacks in perspective. Stressful worry and thankful thoughts are incompatible. Instead of focusing on the problems on your to-do-list, try counting today’s blessings.

The media may make a living bringing you the worst, but the people making things happen in the world don't have time to watch. They're too busy inventing a future they want to live in!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving week, choose to live Thanksgiving every day this week. Count your blessings more than your problems. Instead of dwelling on what might have been, look for the unexpected openings that present new opportunities you don't want to miss. Trade your preoccupation with things out of your control with constructive action. Be thankful for the exciting adventure ahead as you work to invent an even better future one day at a time. 

This video message and insight is compliments of Dr. Terry Paulson at http://www.terrypaulson.com. For more information on his speaking programs contact him at 800-521-6172.