MotivationLine

A Father's Day Message in Support of Dads, Men…and Boys

Terry Paulson, "Celebrating Differences: As Father's Day Nears, It's Time for a Male Pep Talk," Ventura County Star, June 12, 2006, B-6.

As a dad, husband, man, son and former boy, I confess that though I thoroughly appreciate, value and love women, I, like many men, have no desire to be expected to be like them. Thankfully, numerous studies have revealed what most have presumed without research—men and women have different hormones, wiring, strengths, and God-given equipment.

After years of being told by feminists and their academic allies that there’s no difference, it’s time for a men and women to celebrate their differences instead of denying them. If men are still holding women back, men aren’t doing a very good job. Women now make up the majority of undergraduate students and receive the majority of masters degrees. After deciding to skip the “glass ceiling,” women-owned businesses are doing quite well. There are more people working for women owned businesses today than for the Fortune 500. Women are doing just fine in America. 

So in the shadow of Father’s Day, it’s time for a male pep talk. After all, men have mental and physical strengths worth celebrating. Although there are certainly some feminine exceptions, men have some advantages in doing physically demanding and dangerous jobs. Although men make up a little more than 50 percent of the workforce, they represent 92 percent of workplace deaths. Men do the dirty and dangerous jobs; few women are clamoring to become coal miners.

Men not only have a physical advantage; they have a temperament that makes them ideal for combat. When faced with duty to defend their country or their family, more men are ready and physically equipped to fight.

Not all men’s gifts are life-threatening. Men can go to the bathroom without a support group. Men can visit a friend without having to bring a little gift, and you won’t hear a man say, “Oh, I’m so embarrassed. There’s another man with the same suit!”

Most men don’t like to shop. That's why the men's department is two inches from the first floor door. As focused hunters, the faster they find the desired item, the happier they are. After all, men can last a year with an all-season wardrobe consisting of one wallet, one suit, four shirts, two ties, three pairs of shoes and one six pack of Fruit of the Loom underwear. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades. Men never have to ask friends, "So, notice anything different?"

Most men like to fix things, build things and complete things. They love the satisfaction of getting closure and bragging about what they’ve done. Men love purchasing seldom used tools so that, when needed, we’re ready to fix anything that might break.

Moms are into bonding with their children; they’re more compassionate, forgiving and nurturing. Men more often stress accountability, discipline, self-reliance and changing the locks when the kids finally leave home. Fathers feel a duty to provide and protect their families that women can count on.

Most women are introspective: "Are we still in love? Is my marriage emotionally fulfilling?"  Most men are outrospective: "Did the Lakers win? Did I get the sale?” Men don’t like to talk about problems with women because they fear falling into an endless analysis of the past, present and future. After all, Men use an average of 20-30,000 words a day while women use 45-65,000 words a day. We run out of words faster than women!

While women can ruminate with their women friends for hours, at the first sign of personal problems, men are more likely to distract themselves by playing poker, watching TV or having a game of pickup basketball with the guys. After playing off their frustrations, men come back ready to take on their problems alone! Even when talking might be constructive, they seldom ask for help but will tell you how tough the struggle was once they’re done!

Now, this is not to minimize how women make men better. Married men are less likely to join gangs; their women won’t let them. Women temper men’s tempers, expand men’s emotion-laden vocabulary and teach men lessons of civility. Men call that maturity; women call it good training! Finally, women give men the sense of completion and purpose that men crave by marrying them and giving men families. Men try to reciprocate by providing for the family, opening doors, complimenting women when they look great and, of course, fixing things.

By the way, without waiting for feminists to tell them, most men won’t settle for anyone making their daughters, mothers or wives victims. They believe in the girls and women in their lives and want them to dream their own dreams and use their gifts. Most men will do anything to make sure nothing stops the women they love from becoming what they were meant to be.

Even though we as men know our strengths, we also know our limitations. We need women. When Mark Twain was once asked, “In a world without women what would men become?” Twain rightly responded, “Scarce, sir. Mighty scarce.”

Byline: Dr. Terry Paulson is a psychologist, speaker, and author. Contact him at http://www.terrypaulson.com or at terry@terrypaulson.com. 

Motivation to Make Diversity Work

Rosey Grier made a powerful observation worth repeating in a world where we are trying to make diversity work: "All too often, minority kids never hear about anyone other than athletes. They don't know the living you can make with your mind. When I hear the same thing in black schools as white, kids talking about becoming doctors and lawyers, I know the ghetto will disappear."

People seem to be so concerned about what will happen to "Affirmative Action" programs, but few have channeled that concern into providing "Affirmative Examples" of men and women of all races and backgrounds who are making change work. The media loves to focus on the victims. It's time for business leaders to help find optimistic and competent heroes that work in their organizations and to make them visible as a source of motivation.

Let's help positively drive our country's culture and sustain the American Dream for this generation. Instead of promoting images of crime, drugs, disaster, illegal immigration and depravity, we must challenge companies, advertisers, and the media to catch our country working. A strong dose of positive gossip about heroes and teams from all races and backgrounds could do wonders in letting those less fortunate to know that with strong effort, education, and a focused plan that meets the needs of a customer, anyone can be successful.

Unfortunately, white males do not make great heroes for all our citizens. Look for models with a variety of attributes, such as sex, age, and race. Let them share what they learned the hard way on their own journey to excellence. We need to be hope merchants in this age of cynicism. As Mark Twain once said, "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

In your world of influence, what are you doing to make diverse heroes visible? What are you doing to support the belief that your people can and will be successful to meet the challenge of change? We need current success stories to rekindle the dream!