MotivationLine

To Optimists Obstacles Are Just Tests!

It's football season, and that makes it a good time to capitalize on some wisdom from former Denver Bronco quarterback, John Elway: “My son is a quarterback for Arizona State…. It’s hard to just sit and watch him play. I want to guide him, to give him advice on the spot, to share everything I have learned and help him avoid some of the bumps that I have encountered. Then I remember one of the most important lessons that I had to learn myself: Obstacles are nothing but tests.”

As my father used to love to remind me, "Life is a great trainer." He'd sometimes give me advice, but, more often, he'd let me learn from my own experiences. That is why parents seem a lot smarter in our mid-twenties than they do in our teen years. Maturity is not bestowed; it's earned by making mistakes and bouncing back from failures to overcome the obstacles we face. We learn from both the failures and the successes.  

In times of challenge, life can be a cruel task master--there can be painful layoffs, costly stock market falls and personal bankruptcies or foreclosures. You wish such experiences on no one, but when you face them, look for the lessons such experiences teach us.

We seldom forget lessons learned the hard way! Life is difficult. Facing that is the first challenge; getting busy learning how to turn difficult times into opportunities is a worthy benefit. The more obstacles you overcome, the more you are sure you will be able to handle the next test you face.

As leaders, remind your people of obstacles they have overcome in the past and show faith in their ability to match the ones we face today. Your job is to keep hope alive and help people invest their worry time in constructive problem solving!

(Source: John Elway, United Voices, December 2008, p. 15-16.)

Help to Keep New Year's Resolutions All Year Long!

For many Americans, New Year's Eve is about partying, but New Year's Day is about making New Year's resolutions. An article by Dave Peyton indicated that nearly one half of all Americans make resolutions. It's easy to make resolutions, but hard to keep them. But there is help out there!

As you know, for over a year, I have provided a resource, "Change Your Life in 30 Days." that provides a daily automated e-mail reminder for thirty straight days. The messages help you focus your goals and guide your change efforts. All you have to do is visit http://www.terrypaulson.com/change and register at the time of day that you want the messages to come. It's free and it helps turn your resolutions into positive habits that last! Try it.

Now, why limit your help to my site. Here are some excerpts from Dave's article that highlight other resources worth considering. You don't just need reminders; you need targeted information that will help nurture specific resolutions. You may want to try these links to check them out!

"If you're making New Year's resolutions, the federal government wants to help. No, that's not a joke. Go to http://www.firstgov.gov/Citizen/Topics/New_Years_Resolutions.shtml to see a list of the most popular New Year's resolutions. Click on individual resolutions, and you'll go to another government site that will assist you with ideas about how to keep resolutions, including how to lose weight, how to pay off debt, how to quit smoking, how to reduce stress and more.

The University of Maryland offers advice about how to make and keep New Year's resolutions at http://www.umm.edu/features/resolutions_guide.htm. Articles include long-term strategies for permanent weight loss, putting the power of physical activity to work and common sense tips about how to quit smoking.

Ehow is the place that teaches you how to do nearly anything, and how to keep New Year's resolutions is one of them. See the instructive article at http://www.ehow.com/how_12076_keep-new-years.html.

If you're looking for someone to nag you about the resolution you make, check out http://www.hiaspire.com/newyear. The folks at this Web site say that if you leave them your e-mail address, they will send you a free monthly New Year's resolution reminder for an entire year, along with tips and Internet links to help you achieve your goals."

Whatever your strategy, welcome to the challenge of turning your good intentions into action and actual results!

(Source: Dave Peyton, "Web helps more keep goals for New Year's," Ventura County Star, January 1, 2007)

Do You Have a Motivational Deficiency Disorder?

Take a look at some research recently reported in the British Medical Journal: "Extreme laziness may have a medical basis, says a group of high-profile Australian scientists, describing a new condition called 'motivational deficiency disorder' (MoDeD). The condition is claimed to affect up to one in five Australians and is characterized by overwhelming and debilitating apathy."

Do you know people who might have MoDeD? Are you looking in the mirror at a person who might suffer from such a disease? Have no fear. This quote comes from an April 1 report in the British Medical Journal on purported research by neurologist "Leth Argos" and a team at the University of Newcastle.  If you haven't guessed yet, this report is a spoof. It was created by David Henry, a clinical pharmacologist.

Were you ready to believe the disease existed? Maybe you, like other Americans, have been reading too many Inquirer articles on pop psychology. We love to make disappointment over a bad day depression. We make every boy's short attention span ADD. When an experience can be labeled a disease, there is obviously little the individual can do. We look for drugs to cure and therapists to save us.

Sometimes drugs can be indicated for some conditions, but no matter what the great game of life deals you, learn to play the hand to the best of your own ability. Learn to manage your own motivation and how to bounce back from disappointment into constructive action. Value what others can do to help, but learn to do what you can yourself to be part of the answer.

Even great men of faith know the importance of putting faith into action. Thomas Aquinas once said, "Pray as though it depends upon God. Act as if it depends upon you." Amen! Trade in your version of MoDeD for a little healthy action one day at a time.

(Source: David Henry, British Medical Journal, in Fast Company, June 2006, p. 41)

Trade Endless Rumination for Constructive Action

Sometimes we get in the way of our own motivation. I am reminded of a past client who said she didn't want to come in for therapy. She felt she needed some time alone to get her "head together." I warned her, "I wouldn't go there. You're worse on yourself than your worst enemies." She laughed at the comment and decided to come in for some sessions. Unfortunately, that woman was not the only one with this problem.

Susan Holen-Hoeksema, psychologist and author of Women Who Think Too Much, writes: “Twenty years ago, my research began to show that women fall into what I call ‘endless analysis of the past, present and future.’ If they’re upset, they tend to call friends who hold a magnifying glass to every little angle. At the first sign of problems men head out for a game of pickup basketball or other distractions. ‘Later,’ they say. So who is better off? There's a downside to stewing over life's issues. It amplifies sadness, makes problems harder and alienates others. Women are twice as likely as men to develop depression. But women who act more like men-distracting themselves first and then plotting solutions-have the same depression rate as men. Cutting-age brain studies suggest that a bad mood activates a network of bad memories that are connected in the brain. The more someone mulls over problems, the stronger this link becomes."

Susan Holen-Hoeksema also had some suggestions: "So constant overthinkers can ‘hardwire’ their brains for brooding. They can also minimize or stop it if they’re determined. Some overthinkers keep toy ‘Stop’ signs in their desks or purses as a reminder to limit pondering. Others schedule ‘overthink’ times and find that the wait gives needed perspective. Many have discovered new solutions, or at least limited the ‘fret’ time, by writing about the problems, meditating or praying. Sometimes people need new friends-people who will problem-solve with them and not indulge in ‘tit-for-tat’ worrying sessions.”

A support network of friends who can empathize with your struggle and act as a sounding board but challenge you to problem solve and get into action can be a tremendous asset. Pick the right friends who allow you to trade endless rumination for constructive action.
 
But what about the men? When men go through a crisis, less than 50% of the men will talk to anyone. They see themselves as a rock capable of handling what life throws them. They want no dialogue until the battle is won and the obstacles overcome. The rest of the men who would talk to another would tend to pick a woman, usually their partner. They do not pick male friends with whom they compete.

Men could learn from women about the importance of a constructive support network. Women could learn from men about cultivating self-reliance as a strength. Motivation comes from within, but the people in our lives play a key role. Do you have the right people in your network of friends and colleagues? For now, trade some of your worry and rumination time for constructive action and watch your motivation take flight!

Stress Is the Spice of Life

Jim Loehr, a performance psychologist, made a statement too few psychologists seem to appreciate:  “Life is about storms. ... Stress, in and of itself, is not the problem. Stress can be a good thing. If you think about the things that created your character, created your ability to fight, and made a difference, in every case, it would be the storms. It's the things that pushed you the most that helped you the most. The problem is that we have conceptualized the notion of workplace performance as a marathon: a long haul requires us to hoard our energy in order to avoid burning out too soon. We need to think of our workdays as sprints: defined periods of high performance alternating with short intervals of recovery. Leaders must train for that competition much as elite athletes do.”

Stress is the spice of life; it's overcoming those storms and challenges that makes the ride worthwhile. Stress is created by the demands placed on us--the challenges to make a difference with our time and our skills. The absence of stress is death! Wouldn't you rather have a demanding day? I love days with a lot of important things to accomplish; the time flies by when you're making meaningful things happen.

On days you have too little to do, you tend to keep looking at your watch-"When will the day end!!??" If you don't give yourself and others challenging work, you'll all be bored and demotivated. When teachers dumb down their classes for fear of over-stressing their poor underachieving students, they shouldn't be surprised that they are left with disruptive students who can't pass exit exams.

It's time to raise the bar on performance. Expect more, not less! If people have too much to do; help them focus on the things that matter most and let go of the things that no one ought to be doing. Excellence is earned every single day. The reward is going home satisfied from a hard day's work and the joy of recovery, recreation and rest. Balance is working and living with passion. I'm not into saving myself. Bring on the storms and the stress; I want to be alive every day I live. How about you? Are you ready for a little positive stress?

(Source: Jim Loehr, Performance Psychologist, LGE Performance Systems Inc.)

Pride in Taking Personal Responsibility

Just a quick thank you for the ride back to the hotel, your kind words and your quote-

Jake Peters had first been an intern. He's now Vice President of Advertising and Internet at Uline, the shipping supply specialists. In orienting new interns at Uline, when asked to comment on the difference, he has explained: "The difference between being an intern and an employee is that when you're an employee, you're here long enough to experience and to have to fix your own mistakes."

Accountability and learning from one's mistakes are both part of maturity and critical in making change work. Too many students in pursuit of the best grades possible, are too often motivated to cover up errors and hope that teachers never find them. They are focused on getting through a class with the best grade possible and getting on to the next class hurdle on the way to graduation.

In the real world of work, hidden problems become big problems. Real big problems are the kind that get on 60 Minutes or 20/20; those kind of problems can take down a company. Most unresolved mistakes are not that critical, but they do end up hurting productivity and impacting the customers companies are trying to serve.

When you feel a part of a company and know your future is tied to it, personal accountability is one of the things you find in the best leaders and associates. For true professionals, doing things right and confronting problems early are part of what it means to be a professional. In fact, both are character traits most employers treasure in their people. So whether you're an intern, a leader, a contract worker or an employee, act as though you are working for your own company or serving your own organization and you just may find more satisfaction in what you do. You may even leave a legacy others will thank you for years later.

Remember, part of motivation is holding yourself up to a standard of performance whether someone is watching or not. Honor is a gift you give yourself!

Earning Victories the Hard Way

After taking the 11th seeded George Mason University Patriots to the Final Four in Indianapolis, Coach Jim Larranaga shared a quote from William Jennings Bryant, "Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice." He went on to say, "Victories aren't given to you; you earn them. You have to earn respect. No one is going to give it to you." After many felt that George Mason had not warranted the 11th seed they received, they went on to beat the two past NCAA Champions, Connecticut and North Carolina.

You may not be into basketball, but this lesson on motivation applies to us all. Those waiting to be given respect, might best get busy earning it. With maturity, you will find that even these victories will not make them a favorite in the eyes of many basketball "experts" when they face the 3rd seeded Florida Gators. They will still be the underdog.

Maybe life is less about seeking the respect of others, but earning your own self-respect. They believed they could win, and they have. It would be hard to bet against them, because they do believe.

Trading the Blame Game for Personal Responsibility

It's great to see a teacher tell it like it is as Patrick Welsh did in a recent USA Today column titled, "For once, blame the student." In an America all too ready to find someone else to blame, it's time to confront the true source of the poor performance of our young people in our schools. It's not poor teachers, inadequate funding, or which party is in office; it's the motivation, the work ethic, and self-discipline habits of our children that are proving inadequate.

We keep making school easier to protect their psyches, while they are growing up in a world that will only be tougher. They aren't going to be competing just with those in their community; they will be computing with the best and the brightest all over the world. The Internet does not have an off switch.

Youths may be helped by better teachers and parents, good books and better learning environments, but their own motivation is still their job. It's time they get that message, and they get it early in their lives.

A study released by University of Pennsylvania researchers Angela Duckworth and Martin Seligman suggests that the reason so many US students are "falling short of their intellectual potential" is not "inadequate teachers, boring textbooks and large class sizes" and the rest of the usual litany cited by the so-called reformers--but "their failure to exercise self-discipline." Hard work is no longer seen as a key factor in achieving academic success. This was found in research comparing Asian and American student attitudes by the University of Michigan researcher, Harold Stevenson. Asian students were twice as likely as American students to identify "studying hard" as the most important factor in high math performance.

We have succeeded in training our children that is the teacher's job to motivate and educate. If there is a problem in the student's performance, it must be the teacher's fault, not a lack of effort on their part.

In ages past, we earned our share of bad grades, and those bad grades motivated us to increase our effort. Now parents seem to attack any teacher who gives less than a B. They don't want bad grades to ruin their children's futures. May I suggest that building an entitlement mentality is more likely to derail their children's futures than a few well-earned bad grades.

It's time to raise the bar on our students. It's time to let a few students fail and to celebrate those who work hard to achieve true success. We didn't need an easier SAT; we need a harder SAT. It's time we stop blaming others, and take a renewed interest in personal accountability and self-discipline.

Even with a bad teacher, it is still your responsibility to learn what you can to be successful. When my son received an F from a teacher he didn't like, he said that he didn't want to work in his class. I asked him a simple question, "Whose F is it?" When he said that it was on his school record, I said, "You're going to have more than your share of difficult people in your life to deal with. You may as well realize now that it is still your job to motivate yourself to learn. It's your grade! The greatest revenge to get back at a bad teacher is to achieve anyway. In fact, if you start working hard, you may find that this teacher is a lot better than you think. Give him something to be proud of in your work, and he may be more supportive than you think."

I close with the ending comment in Patrick Welsh's column: "Perhaps the best lesson I can pass on to my...students is to merely point them in the direction of their foreign-born classmates, who can remind us all that education in America is still more a privilege than a right."

(Patrick Welsh, "For once, blame the student," USA Today, 11A, March 8, 2006)