SeizingMyDay

The Paulson Family Reunion

There is something special about getting together as an extended family at Warren and Helen Paulson's place in Argyle, IL. They come from cities nearby and from cities far away--Washington, California, Florida, Texas, Wisconsin and Minnesota. There is food aplenty. We take the time to introduce everyone according to the line of the Paulson family they are from--The John Paulson or the Peter Paulson wing. Just listening reminds us of how broad a family can get in just a few short generations. But they still come together to catch up, eat a great potluck meal, and play bingo. That's right, the bingo is fun. Karen Nelson works to get a number of gifts and wraps them. She calls out the number and every Bingo means grab an available present or take one form another. That makes for fun. Steve Paulson brought his water pistol to shoot anyone who tried to take his presents! The banter is just down-home fun!

We updated our database with addresses and new children and spouses. We showed some clips I took from the 1991 trip to Sweden showing the family reunions there and the homes that belonged to Paul Andersson, the father of John and Peter Paulson. It was a connection people appreciated as most will not get to see the homeland of their ancestors. The more we met and talked, the more I appreciated the great work of my uncle Wayne Paulson who took the time to put our family information together. We will need to do it again. I hope to work with David Paulson to do that. We can add pictures and information for a new generation. I figure it will be a bigger book but one that people will treasure.

I'm glad we made it here. Lorie had not been here for years. The weather was perfect. We spent the evening with Corynne, Nova and George. We looked at their new home and looked at some of Hazel's old pictures. There were a number with mom and dad and even one with me in the back of a wagon pulled along by Elwood (Chuck) Paulson. It was good to see Corynne and to catch up on her efforts to capture history. She had taken pictures of the graves in the nearby cemeteries. Chuck and Corynne both want to have their plots near ours. There is something comforting of knowing where we will be, near our family that we love so much.

We got up early for breakfast at the Machine Shed. We had Warren and Helen come to join us. We had time to share memories and talk about the loss of his son, Wayne. Just talking brought Warren to tears, positive grief tears about a son he valued and respected. It was good for all of us to have the time. I must stop and see them when I come to Illinois. I was glad to hear that his relationship with his great-grandson Colton is growing. Colton is now ten and talked about Warren's promise to give him a tractor when he is old enough. He wanted the tractor his dad liked so much. Warren is more than willing to do that. He hopes that he lives long enough for Colton to be 21 so that he can be given the old farm. There is something about leaving a legacy that is important.

Loss of Sunshine Brings Sadness

Sunshine is now gone. The day had started out so positively. After taking time on my day off from training to have breakfast and visit with my friend Kathy Lamancusa, I headed off for a first-time visit to the NFL Football Hall of Fame in Canton, OH. It was clear that Lorie would not miss the opportunity, so I decided to enjoy it alone. There were busts of my favorite stars--Gale Sayers, Roger Stauback, Joe Montana, and recently inducted former Bruin Troy Aikman. I took time to view video clips of the greats I had grown up. There was history and memories rekindled. I was ready for baseball to end and for football to begin.

As I left the Hall of Fame, I called to the office and was informed that Lorie wanted to talk. She talked about Sunshine. She had suffered a fall and had a tough night. She was having trouble walking. She was experiencing pain and Lorie had decided to sleep with her in the living room. We had planned to put her down next week when I was home, but  it was clear that Sunshine needed a decision now. We talked about it. Lorie had made an appointment with a vet that afternoon at 2:00, less than 4 hours away. We cried together over the phone. I took off for Columbus and spent time thinking about Sunshine and praying for Nancy and Lorie who would be with her and would be going through the grief that created.

Later, we talked. Lorie shared how tough at it had been and how great the vet had been to take them through the process slowly with caring. They gave Sunshine a sedative that helped her calm down. There was time to pet her and share their love for a dog that had been so special. As the trainer has said, "She is a bossy dog!" She certainly wanted her way. She loved to walk and eat and play with her ball. She loved being up on the couch next to us. She was a people dog, and we encouraged it to the very end. In that calm moment of appreciation, the vet gave her the shot that put her down. Lorie was there. I was not. But talking about it helped us both.

Today, I thought about Sunshine a lot as I got up. I wouldn't hear the jingle of her collar again. Will we have another dog. I'm not sure. For while, I think not. It was great to have a dog with Sean and when we were tied to our home. But now we are ready to travel more, and a puppy would be too much. Maybe later in our lives when we want to be home more, we bring another dog into our lives. For now, we will enjoy our memories of a wonderful dog. Here's to you Sunshine! We will miss you.

Passing the Grandfather Test and Dealing with the Loss of a Dog We Love

What a joy to spend time with Micah and Jeremiah! I'm reminded of the importance of giving yourself to being a grandparent instead of trying to fit it in with the "important things of life" that I just "have to get done." On a scale from one to ten, grandchildren are a clear ten! They are the future, and it takes the present to launch that future.

After two days of swimming, sliding, playing and talking with two very special young men, I'm in love, I'm bruised and a bit tired, and looking forward to the rest I will get flying away to speak to old folks in an audience who will sit quietly and listen to what this old man has to say. This isn't work to leave; it's relief.

Micah is a bundle of energy. He's fast and strong and ready to take on any challenge. His mouth gets moving as fast as his feet, and I have yet to master his dialect! Seriously, he's improving in speaking and I work at listening...but we both have far to go. He is a sensitive boy who can get on a "bad attitude roll" and just as likely be a loving and gentle brother. He makes friends easily and loves to play. He loves video games and is good at them. Of course, when his competition is his grandfather, this is no competition at all. All my victories are happy accidents!. It will be exciting to watch him grow up before our very eyes. He knows we love him. He thinks I'm silly, and he is right.

Jeremiah is also full of energy, but his mouth is more engaged than any other part of his being. He is quick to speak his mind. At the church service, he was the only boy to talk during my children's sermon. He talked about water sticks; I learned later that they are the plastic animals you throw in pools that sink so that you can dive to retrieve them. I'm not sure how they related to God, but Jeremiah felt there was an obvious connection. During the prayers, the congregation would respond to a sentence prayer with "Hear our prayer." Every time the congregation responded, Jeremiah was the church echo repeating "Hear our prayer." to the delight of everyone including God. I took time later to tell him that God may call him to be a preacher like his dad or a speaker like his papa Abba! He thought that might be true. He's a thinker.

If you haven't guessed, I love being a grandfather. My son and his wife are doing the hard work parents have to do with consistent love, limits and discipline and we can see that the children are already better for it in less than a year! God is good, and so are they. We are on their team forever.

Now, I got to leave town before they left. Lorie had the challenge of babysitting one final night. She was tested and challenged but passed the test as well. I think in the future, it will take both of us to keep order. We will get better at this.

In the sadness side of life, we have decided that our Dalmatian Sunshine is fading badly. Her heart murmur is getting worse. She has a growth on her back and a cyst in her throat area that keeps filling with blood and saliva. Most importantly, her hind legs are giving way to a neural breakdown. It's like she doesn't know what they are doing. She can walk, because in movement, the back legs perform their function. But when she stands still, her back legs slowly give way. She can't feel them. It is sad to watch. She can't hear, and only her walks, food and love for us keeps her going. After our vet visited us today, we decided that we would make an appointment to put her down in mid-August. I want to be there with her. Just telling that to Nancy today, had all of us crying. We love her so. She has been a wonderful dog, but she is failing. I don't want to be away, and have others have to put her down.

Contrasting the life-giving force of being a grandparent to watching age take its toll on our family dog is one of the tensions of life that keeps every day a strange blessing.

Lives of Significance Remembered

After a week of very moving memorial services , one for a young faith warrior who died far too young and the other for my aunt who had lived a full and meaningful life and was ready to let go. We celebrated both lives.

On Thursday, I ushered for Max Buelow's service. Over 500 people came to give support to the Buelow family and to acknowledge the specialness of a young man who used strength of character, humor and faith to cling to life and love. He never gave up in his fight with bone cancer. He never lost his sense of humor and his love for his family and friends. With less than a month to live, he could write a card with the message, "Life isn't fair," on the cover, and inside affirm that "God is Good." He never gave way to anger; to the end he was more concerned with others than himself. I will remember his joy and his heart.

I will also remember his family. His mother, Tracey Buelow, came to the pulpit to share with those who had come to honor Max. She talked about love, sustained faith, savoring the daily miracle of memories of Max, and the power of community. She would weave in humor, inspiration and insights on faith. She could be a speaker; on that day she was.

One hundred and fifty miles away in Palm Desert, I gave the eulogy for my aunt, Arlene Betty Sherman. Talking to family, friends and Hope Lutheran members that were present, I took time to celebrate the joy, the gifts and the memories of this fine woman. Like Mom, she was from good Midwestern stock. She was dedicated to her family; bringing joy and stability to all who knew her. She had an infectious laugh and some interesting skills. She could get music out of a gut back and a saw.

Once again, the power of community and faith made a difference for all. My uncle Mike was the true miracle. Instead of isolating himself, he had reached out. He had been touched by God and by those who cared. He will need support, but he will be fine. It was nice to use my gift of speaking to let the family relax and just remember, feel and celebrate this very special woman.

Mom was more impacted than I realized. This was her only sister. She was six years younger. Often they would talk every day. Mom and dad are losing more and more friends and family. They are still healthy, but you can see death over the hill. Even I can feel it. When you believe the promise that Jesus is preparing a room for you in God's mansion, the older you get, you start to think about what that room will be like. Will there be memories? Will I remember those I love here on earth? Will I care if I don't? What will eternity really be like? Will choices matter?

All these powerful experiences and big questions seem so important as I write this post, but I also have a cold. I am a miserable patient. I have no patience for sickness. I keep trying to use the time. I miss church and Chris' 21st birthday. Dr. Albert Schweitzer was correct when he said, "Health is the absence of disease and a short memory." This cold won't go down as one of the top ten events in my life, but at the moment I'm ready for it to be HISTORY!

One note of great news! Colleague, fellow speaker and friend Jim Hennig has a brand new heart and is doing well. There is a big smile on his face, some thankful prayers from all who love him, and a lot of work yet to be done to come back to full health. This certainly makes up for the cold!

A Faith Warior Dies

At a time of loss, sharing feelings and memories of those lost, gives all a sense of purpose. With the loss of eleven-year-old Max Buelow from our faith community at Westlake Lutheran Church, I have created a blog http://http://terrypaulson.typepad.com/footprintsoffaith/ called Footprints of faith.

It is a blessing to see the comments being made. In a world that has few communities, a faith community is a strong family of support. I am blessed to be part of such a family.

A Time of Tears and Shouts of Joy

Last night two of the clan passed on to be with the Lord. My aunt, Arlene Sherman, turned to her husband Mike and told him that she was ready to go before she passed. Over a thousand miles away in a hospital in the Illinois heartland, my second cousin Wayne Paulson also died. He was my age suffering from liver cancer that had spread. His kidneys had shut down, and he was no longer conscious. His wife Darlene was with him in the last moments. One lived a full life and was ready to go; the other died young leaving his family and friends to mourn what might have been.

But both are now free and celebrating in new bodies prepared for the joy of eternity. I'm reminded of the words of Zig Ziglar, “We hear tears loudly on this side of heaven. What we don’t take time to contemplate are the even louder cheers on the other side of death’s valley.” What a powerful reminder that God is near and has even greater plans for us as His children.

A verse that I have grown to love in these times of loss is Luke 20:38--“God is not God of the dead, but of the living; for to God all are alive.” No matter how heaven works, God knows us alive for eternity. I think Martin Luther put it in a way that comforts me and many others: “What is our death but a night's sleep? For as through sleep all weariness and faintness pass away and cease, and the powers of the spirit come back again, so that in the morning we rise fresh and strong and joyous; so at the Last Day we shall rise again as if we had only slept a night, and shall be fresh and strong.” What a wonderful picture of what we can look forward to.

Mike has found new strength and faith in the last days with Arlene. His openness to others has brought him relief and support he did not know was there. He wrote in an e-mail to me today: "i really appreciate your help in my time of need. for the first time in my life i have reached out to people for help, the response has been gratifying. a new doorway has been opened for me. arlene has been my whole life and i shall miss her." Even in the darkest moments, God can use difficult times to mold us and to shape our future. I am blessed to know that my comments to him have made a difference. He is a good man who stood by his woman to the end in caring love and service.

As you age, you get more experience with death. I think it is God's way of preparing us for our own journey beyond. He readies us for the day we say, "I'm ready to go to be with you, Lord." For now, we both share in the tears, the memories and the celebration of what we know is to come. We will see Wayne and Arlene again.

Loving our new Toyota Hylander Hybrid (2-22-06)

It's been a busy few days traveling to see family and staying away from the computer. My blog entries is one area that suffers.

We traveled in style, because, on Saturday, we bought a new car. I traded in my six-year-old Dodge Intrepid for a new Toyota Highlander Hybrid. What a wonderful car! We drove it to Palm Desert and then to San Diego and back. It performed beautifully. I must confess that part of the reason I bought it when I did is that I thought I could get stickers that would allow me to drive in the California Diamond Lanes alone. After purchasing the car, I went to the website to find out how to apply to learn that the Highlander Hybrid did not qualify. It's focus is more performance than super mileage, and they are into rewarding the high-mileage vehicles. I was disappointed but still glad to have the larger vehicle; I want safety as well as mileage. I love driving the vehicle, and I expect the love affair to continue.

Our first stop was in Palm Desert, where we spent time with my uncle Mike and Aunt Arlene. Arlene is putting up a gallant fight to hold onto life, but her body has been through many operations in recent years for breast cancer and stomach blockage and, having passed 80, her body is finding it hard to come back. We wanted to see her and offer support to Mike. They are high school sweethearts, and he has never reached out to others. For Mike, Arlene is his life-his love, his best friend and his constant companion. In recent years, he has been her constant companion and caretaker. Over the years, she served him, but now that role is reversed. In these final days for Arlene, he's been forced to make tough decisions. She wants to be home in spite of the fact that extending her life would require more aggressive measures. He is doing what she wants, but he knows it will mean that she will die quicker. When you have been focused on keeping someone healthy, it's tough to give your self permission to allow someone you love to die with dignity. We talked about his lack of sleeping and how to cope. We prayed with Arlene, Mike and the family as we placed hands on Arlene. We prayed for God's strength and peace enfold them.

My mom and dad had come to see them as well, so we left Palm Desert and followed them back to their home in Rancho San Diego. We spent the night at their house in preparation for my presentation on Lincoln and what we can learn from him today to the residents of their facility. There was time for good conversations, watching the winter Olympics on their new high-definition TV and a purchase of a new printer for dad. We set up the printer. I gave my talk which has received glowing positive gossip from the 100 that attended. Giving pleasure to mom and dad is something I love doing. My brother Doug and his wife Judy were also there. They had not had the opportunity to see me speak often. It was an all around good experience.

There is something about living a balanced life that is hard but very satisfying. You never seem to have time to get everything done for your career, but then who wants on their tombstone-"He finished everything on his To-Do list!"

We now prepare for a holiday trip to Tahoe and time with our grandchildren.

Navigating Home (2-14-06)

Don't you just love technology! My wife gave me a portable GPS navigation system that I can use on the road. I put in my destination before I turn on my rental car, and my friendly guide tells me every turn I have to take! I love it…and she is so friendly. If I make a mistake and miss a turn, she politlely suggests that I do a U-turn. Now, that is some woman!

I better not say too much, though. I'm on the road on Valentine's Day! So I called home, made sure she had the card I left, gave her my love and then headed for Kirkland. I saw the old Paulson homestead, downtown Kirkland that now has a booming population of 1,500, First Lutheran Church that my great grandfather helped start, and Maple Cemetery. I drove into the cemetery to find our Paulson stone. Both my parents, my wife and I are already chiseled into the stone. Only the dash and the end date needs be added.

I remember asking Harvey Swanson, one of my grandmother's brothers, about his tombstone that already was in place. He said it made him feel comfortable. I knew where he would end up, next to his family members. Somehow, by seeing our stone, I understood what he meant.

The navigator had taken me home. Hopefully, someday my son and his family would visit to find us at peace. At 60, that doesn't seem that far away.

Before returning to the Westin O'Hare Hotel, my trusty navigator got me to my first home in Des Plaines, Illinois. I found my way to 526 Orchard Court. I saw the "big" park in the center of the court. That park that I kicked the football from one end to the other. I now realized that would not be hard; thirty feet of grass only seems big to a five-year-old Chicago Bears fan!

I returned the rental car, headed for the hotel, worked out, and got back online. Somehow cyberspace doesn't compete with spending time coming home!